Last night I had the crushing feeling that I would never amount to anything I wanted. I sat on my bed and looked at my computer screen. I had just signed up for a “Computers Technology and Music” course and I was thinking, what am I doing?
I don’t know anything about recording music or using computer software to produce a song. I’m interested in it but I don’t know anything about it. Which you might say is the point of why I’m taking the class but that wasn’t the point.
All of my academic decisions lined up in front of me, swerving as I judged and doubted each one and how they were forming my future.
I want to be a writer. I want to write novels, I want to write screenplays and if a hobby turns into something more I’d want to write lyrics (which is where the class above comes in). Could I have picked harder and more unreachable dreams? Doesn’t seem like it.
Deciding on my last semester of classes, I felt the pressure of the ticking clock.
Not for the Fame
I live in a fast-paced world where people want results fast and expect the most out of everything.
Everywhere on the news I hear about young people signing record contracts, designing clothing lines, and becoming oddly famous on YouTube.
I don’t want to be famous and I know that choosing a writing career will not lead to bank account full of money. It’s as if we’re supposed to tap into our potential at age 6 and at age 10 we’re supposed to know what we want to do. So by the time kids hit puberty they’re making thousands of dollars an episode.
The thing is, when I was 10, I wanted to teach, or be a veterinarian. I didn’t realize writing could be a career.
Now that I know it can be, I’m working as hard as I can to become a master at my craft.
Sometimes I just think I picked one of the hardest careers in the world and other impossible dreams to chase and they’re going to come back and smack me right in the face.
I was talking to a friend that night and he helped me realize that I have time. I don’t have to become an expert in one night. I don’t have to do everything I want right now. Setting priorities and goals is part of the journey. So right now, I’m focusing on screenwriting and completing my long-term project. After that, I’ll find another project. I’ll take it one day at a time.
Fear isn’t a good enough excuse to not follow your dreams.
Fear isn’t the motivator that should keep you awake at night. Drive is what should keep you awake. Achieving a goal or a dream is a day-by-day journey. It’s long days and long nights that I’m willing to work through to bind a finished manuscript and drop it off at a large wooden desk that will determine its future.
But I choose its future to. I choose how much I want this and how much I am willing to work for it.
So I’ll get up earlier than someone else. I’ll write longer. I’ll wait for my right day to come.
To read more about writing success, read Kristen Lamb’s blog.